Flirting can be like trying to build a house of cards, any little misstep can topple it to the ground!

Most people are afraid, nervous and even anxious when it comes to striking up a conversation and pushing it into the "more than friends" zone. To some, flirting can be as difficult as jumping off of a plane or walking over hot coals...or worse!

So if you’re that person who has not yet mastered the art of flirting, I am here with some very helpful tips to get you started in the right direction.

Sexual Signaling

What is flirting exactly anyway? It is a type of sexual signal and can encompass a great many of things. Flirting can be as small as a certain motion of the body and as big as walking up to someone and kissing them.

Although that may be a bit past flirting and stealing first base but hey.

According to an interesting article I read on Psychology Today, flirting can be anything from

Furtive glances
Arching or pointing feet towards someone
Playing with theirs or your own hair
Smiling/ laughing
Moving closer
Touching (Caution: Mutual interest MUST be established here, because otherwise touching may be perceived as intrusive.)

These are only the more general types of flirting. As each person is different, there will be more varied versions. For instance, some men may expand their chests, talk extra loudly, or take up a lot of space. Women can swing their hips and sashay blatantly past a love interest whilst flipping their hair back.

With all of these options available and more, it can be difficult to get the right combination of moves together for a successful number exchange.

How its done

Dont hesitate

First off, it can often be the case that many males will often wait for a cue that the girl is interested. Don't ever do this. A lot of the time girls will not be that obvious, or maybe she is and the guy is just not getting the signal. Whatever the case may be, if you are interested, initiate contact.

Really the best method to begin the conversation all depends on where the act will occur.

Are you:

At her place of work?
A loud night club?
A bookstore?
A concert?
A bar?

Remove distractions

It is important to take a note of what she is doing when you see her. If she is at a show, a bar, work, or otherwise preoccupied, make sure the time is right. And I don't mean for you to use this as an excuse to wait for "the perfect moment", because that will never happen. Just make sure she isn't jamming out in the middle of an epic guitar rift at that show, helping out customers, or in a deep convo with her friend at the bar. Because if you interrupt something important, your likely to get a dirty look and a walk off.

If you are at a bar or club and she does seem preoccupied, you could try the classic, sending her a drink routine via the bartender. The professional handing her another of whatever she is having is a better way to get her attention off of her friend, and on you.

Work is probably the worst place to flirt with and ask for a girl's number. I have had certain jobs where my boss informed me to not accept or give out my number to customers. If she has a job where you can easily come in to visit her, make sure that it is during the slow hours, or maybe try and catch her before she comes in to her shift.

If in a quiet place like a bookstore, a conversation starter could be to ask her if she has any book recommendations, and if she doesn't have one than maybe you can ask what her favorite book is.

There are all kinds of ways to open a conversation. A witty article I read on kingpinlifestyle.com on how to start conversations with beautiful women gives several concrete ways on how to craft your opening line when approaching a woman. Some key steps mentioned include:

Persistence is key- If at first you don't succeed, improve your methods and try again! You must sharpen your skills and practice.
It must be congruent to you- Your opener will sound insincere and phony if you don't make it related to you. For instance, a funny example in the article states: "If you ride motorcycles for a living and love random orgies with multiple women you probably shouldn't open asking; 'what a woman looks for when searching for a relationship' It won't make sense, you won't care, and an interesting conversation will not develop." NOt to mention congruency makes delivering the lines that much easier.

Some mathematical ways of creating the perfect opening line according to the article I mentioned:

Sit down and write down 5 characteristics about yourself. Examples would be your skin color, your physical characteristics (height), personality characteristics (hyper), preferences in women (brunettes)
Look at your 5 characteristics and pick 3 that you would want to ask a question about. This gives you options and allows you to think about what you REALLY want to talk about.
Write down one opener for each personal characteristic. Examples:
Short example: ”Hey guys, do you think height matters in a relationship?”

Creating that spark of interesting conversation is key in any type of environment if you want things to work out with this new girl.

A very informative video on flirting that I found on themodernman.com can be applied to flirting with women in any environment.

Here is some of the key information that many guys do not know about:

They can create feelings of attraction inside of a woman. I know what you are thinking... WHAT? NO WAY. But it is true. If a woman doesn't initially feel attracted to your looks, it doesn't mean that you cant make her feel intensely attracted to you for other reasons! It works this same way in reverse, even if you are a very attractive man and your personality, communication style or something else turns her off, she is most likely going to reject the you in every situation.

So if you are having issues in that department, it is time to strategically approach the flirting situation. Demonstrate how else you are attractive by

making her laugh
being confident around her
being masculine or emotionally strong
charisma

The moves

Once you have managed to steal her away for a few moments, its time to put on the moves. One small thing you can begin, is the subtle smile. Allow yourself to feel confident and smile at her in an easy going way. But don't just smile creepily in silence, do it often during conversation. If she happens to ask you why you are smiling at her, you can always throw in a "talking to you makes me smile" but be prepared with a comeback if she asks you why. But that is not a good sign if she does.

Starting out with a compliment helps as well, but don't make it too obvious. A girl I know was complimented on her shoes by a guy, only the shoes were ratty and torn up. Making him seem like a fake. Make sure its something that you may have complimented anyway.

An opening question is a good conversation starter if the compliment is a dead end. If it is someone you know a little bit you can do the "what did you do this weekend?" or "How did that one situation pan out?" If it is someone you don't know, a good way to get a feel is: "So what kind of things do you like to do for fun?" Depending on where you guys are; "What do you like most about this place?"

Maintaining eye contact, being responsive, listening, being polite and extra friendly are all techniques to combine into your communication style. If she seems to be laughing at your jokes and reciprocating interest, it may be time to sneak in a casual touch.

Some touches that are not so obvious that most guys can sneak on by:

a shoulder touch/pat/ squeeze/ shove- (for the shove, it MUST be a light, and I repeat LIGHT playful shove on the shoulder. Only use ONE hand to shove ONE shoulder and don't even use the whole hand, maybe use a couple of fingers. Try this on a female friend if you are unsure of your strengths.
Wrist grab- Point out something interesting and get her attention by touching her wrist or arm.
ONE knee touch- This could potentially freak her out if she is not interested. Test the waters by doing a light knee touch in the middle of a conversation if what you are saying involves her. For instance if you are encouraging her; "I think you got this", if you are empathizing; "That sucks you went through that" or if you are laughing at something she is saying. Don't just randomly touch her leg in the middle of a conversation for no reason.Then gauge her reaction to this one touch, if she shifts awkwardly, stands or otherwise moves her legs away from you, that touch you gave her was ill received.

If all of the above seems to be working, along with her laughing and touching and reciprocating, then it could be time to retrieve her digits.

In for the kill

This is where its time to close the deal. Most likely if you get her phone number it is on to date land from there. A few quick tips from majorleaguedating about getting her number:

Dont ask if its okay, or ask for her permission. Tell her to give her number to you. Ex: "Hey its been fun talking with you and you seem like a pretty down to earth person, give me your number and we'll chat later."
Give her your number. This communicates confidence and that you are not afraid of rejection even though you very well could be. Its very helpful to maintain the mindset that it is her loss, not yours, and this will flow through you when you ask. Ex: "Hey I hate to cut you short, it’s been fun chatting, but unfortunately I gotta run. I’m glad we became friends though. Take my number, call me or text me, and we’ll chat later." This way you don't put the pressure on her to think up a reason to tell you know if she is not interested.
Say: "Lets exchange numbers." Something about that can make the whole thing feel safer, friendlier and less risky to women.
You could also throw in a: "You should text me some time" or a "hey give me your number, Ill send you a text." Make sure if she does that you send her a text right back saying: "hey its Bill, save my number." Boom.

A few warning signs to back off:

If she says she doesnt have a phone but does not offer up a different method of communication
If you ask for her number and she tells you to give her yours instead
If anything in this SIMPLE process becomes complicated, walk away and forget about it. The deal is off! This can often be a defense mechanism for women to get you to go away.

Here are some hilariously cheesy pick up lines that guys used on girls. Some of them actually work:

So there you have it friends, the art of flirting. Add this to your tool belt and get on out there and meet some ladies.

So now what?

What should be the next steps you take?

Make your online dating profiles women worthy. I mean, wouldn't you love to have your phone blowing up with quality women who message YOU, wanting to meet in PERSON? There are a few ways that you can do this, so that you may get to try out your new flirting skills.

Dateafied is here to help get you in the right direction.

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And with that, I leave you to your flirts and meetings.

Until next time!

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