How to Attract Women - When the Odds Are Against You

October 15, 2021 Greg Aronoff

As far as dating goes, your location is one of the key factors for how to attract women.

And typically, you’re a buyer in a sellers market.

Forget that you make up two-thirds of the world’s mobile dating users.

Or the fact that across the US, single young men (25 to 34) outnumber single young females 115 to 100. So basically, for every 100 single women, there are 115 eligible bachelors.

Those stats don’t affect you.

Because unless you’re jet-setting everyday, the entire US isn’t in your dating pool. But rather, your own hometown plays a bigger role in your dating success (or non-success).

Is it easy to meet single women? Are there even women to meet? (Sorry Hanford-Corcoran, CA. According to the census, there are 236 men for every 100 women.)

So, how tough is it to meet girls online where you live? With online dating, you do have a bit wider net to work with (which is a creepy metaphor in a dating context), but most people tend to stick within their own proximity.

With that in mind, here are the seven toughest cities for online dating. Now, that’s not the ‘best’ or the ‘worst’ cities, but rather, the toughest to attract women online.

CRITERIA

We looked at the percentage of single people in major metro areas (which has more than 100,000 single adults age 25-34), the gender ratio (note - Rocky Mount, NC has a winning ratio of 72 single men for every 100 single ladies), the cost of living, and the overall fitness level.

Why cost of living? In a study by the University of Minnesota, they found that if men believe there's a scarcity of women, they are more likely to spend more and be more impulsive. So, in a pricey town, it might be hard to compete with wealthy guys who have more to spend.

#7 Los Angeles

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 119 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 66%
* Cost of Living: 18.7% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 15th
* Online Dating: 3rd

Even though Match.com had ranked LA third in online dating activity, from strictly a guy’s point of view - it’s no walk on the beach (pun intended).

Some reports put the gender gap at 40,000 more single men. Add to that the cost of living and the huge swing in incomes, and you can see how hard it can be for regular guys to meet single women.

Large metro areas are great for some things (and in LA’s case having the beach and perfect weather as they say doesn’t suck), but having those larger numbers can make online dating harder. It’s been studied that when there are large groups of people to choose from, we’re more likely to use physical characteristics like height and weight rather than deeper and more meaningful attributes to determine our mates.

RELEVANT TO YOU

Attracting women in a crowded city can be tough. So instead - become small again. As in, find ways to go from being lost in a sea of people to a more manageable pond.

If you’re not currently taking workout classes or yoga, those would be a great place to start. The odds will definitely be in your favor and you’ll feel great afterwards, just don't be the creepy guy.

If yoga isn’t your thing, think about your passions and then go do them. Sign up for a class or join a club. You’ll have an instant connection because of your shared interests. Even if you’re into weird stuff - go for it. Guaranteed that club already exists. And if it doesn’t exist - start it. Having the social proof of being the leader and the one people look to for answers is also very attractive.

#6 Washington DC

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 107 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 60%
* Cost of living: 24.3% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 6th
* Online Dating usage: 5th

Dating in this political city can be more competitive than Frank Underwood.

In order to meet single women, DC guys have to compete with ambitious and idealistic grads as well as older savvy dating veterans (DC is in the top 10 for millionaire households per capita). And like Los Angeles, ambition and charm come easy to these guys. Sometimes more so with just an ambition, but still. It’s been said power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

But besides just the competition, guys have to be on their toes with these smart and sophisticated DC women. With politics as the go-to first date topic, guys have to be knowledgeable about a wide assortment of topics and subjects.

RELEVANT TO YOU

What if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re unfamiliar with a particular topic?

There are simple sleight of hand techniques that we can all apply when we need to appear knowledgeable (Note - fake laughing at jokes you don’t understand isn’t a recommended techniques).

Basically, stick to small bits of information that you’re confident in, then deftly guide the conversation towards other (related) topics that you’re more familiar with and feel more comfortable discussing.

#5 San Francisco

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 116 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 64%
* Cost of living: 48.8% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 2nd
* Online Dating usage: #NA

With the highest rates of L.G.B.T. residents, San Francisco is also one of the toughest cities for single men looking to meet single women. For starters, everyone here is fit. Well, ‘everyone’ is pretty broad, but it is ranked by Men’s Health as the number two fittest city (behind Portland) with a reported 45% of residents having a healthy body weight, and nearly 31% reported eating their veggies five time a day. So fit-wise, guys have to work hard to keep up with the joneses so to speak.

But that analogy really comes into play with the fact that San Francisco is rated as the third most expensive city in the US.

According to DataQuick, the median home price in this waterfront metropolis is now at (cue up Dr. Evil impression…) one-million dollars. That's about three times the national average, with rent for a typical two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment going for close to $3,000 per month.

RELEVANT TO YOU

So, one of your dating questions might be - how do you date successfully on a tight budget?

Plan and research.

Fun and interesting dates don’t have to be expensive and with a little bit of googling, you can quickly find weekly events and activities that are geared toward the budget conscious.

Bringing it back to San Francisco, there are sites like http://sf.funcheap.com/, which showcase free festivals, outdoor concerts, museum galleries, etc. You’ll get points for originality and not doing the same dinner/drinks/movie that every other guy is doing.

If you’re ever struggling for date ideas on the cheap, here's a list of 50 inexpensive dates you two can do.

#4 Seattle

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 121 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 58%
* Cost of living: 20.8% above national average
* Fitness ranking: 3rd
* Online Dating usage: #NA

The town that inspired the 90's movie Singles is still tough for Seattle men (even without a classic soundtrack).

With about 20,000 more single men than women, and a slightly lower percentage of available singles then the above cities, Seattle’s dating challenge is nothing to laugh at.

Which is also contributing to their challenges.

Whether it’s the weather, or high levels of educated intellectuals, or the civic mindedness, but Seattle guys’ have a reputation for no sense of humor. Sorry Seattle - but you do have great coffee and donuts to compensate.

RELEVANT TO YOU

No one likes a stick in the mud, a fuddy-duddy, or a buzz-kill. The best way to counteract those nasty afflictions - simply smile more. Smiling provides a whole host of benefits, which makes us feel better and appear more approachable/attractive.

In addition to smiling, it’s also advised to embrace your own quirks and showcase your sense of humor (instead of hoarding it just for friends and family).

In fact, there’s research that show a sense of humor can attract women. The theory states that women are “genetically hardwired to find a sense of humor attractive.”

Women like to date men who make them chuckle due to evolutionary differences, claim scientists.

They found that women's brains show greater activity than men's in reward-related regions in response to humor.

#3 Denver

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 121 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 56%
* Cost of Living: 6.5% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 4th
* Online Dating usage: 7th

Also “high” on this list is the Mile High City (and yes, marijuana is legal to buy here as well as fodder for overused and terrible puns).

Nicknamed “Menver” by locales, Denver has a ratio of 121 males for every 100 females. And according to the dating app ‘Are You Interested?’ male users in Denver outnumber women 6 to 1.

But besides the obvious competition, what makes Denver a tough city to meet women online? The city itself. (Well, technically Colorado as a whole, but you get the idea)

With its gorgeous snow covered mountains and immensely popular mountain biking trails, Colorado draws a large number of transplants who spend most of their time outdoors. Which is great - unless you don’t do those things.

So, with a large portion of female profiles touting their love of extreme sports, what’s a city-dwelling guy supposed to do to get their attention?

In short - learn.

RELEVANT TO YOU

One of the best ways to meet females online is to find out what they’re interested in and then go out and learn it. According to Josh Kaufman, author of The First 20 Hours, you can literally learn anything - fast.

Kaufman states that all you need to go from clueless to pretty-darn-good is just 20 hours of focused practice.

First you’ll need to break the thing down to its core, and practice that first. Basically the Pareto principle. So if you wanted to learn a new language learn the most common words (2,000 or so) and you'll be able to converse with nearly anyone.

You’ll want to learn enough that you’re aware of making mistakes and are able to fix them. Then before practicing for at least 20 hours, you’ll want to remove anything that distracts you from focusing on the skill you want to learn.

Adding things to our busy schedule sounds impossible, but Kaufman breaks down the 20 hours to just 40 minutes a day for 30 days.

#2 San Diego

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 129 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 58%
* Cost of Living: 22.8% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 8th
* Online Dating usage: 7th

With an average yearly temperature of 70.5 F, seventy miles of beaches, it’s not too much of a stretch to say San Diego is pretty awesome.

But like most things, there’s a catch.

The cost of living in a beach town can be high. And it’s more than just financial costs (though houses are about double the national average). There’s also the need/want pressure of having a beach ready body, which can come at the expense of esteem and self-confidence.

That’s not to say that the P90x/T25-ers are the only ones with a successful social life, but rather, the feeling of not being worthy to date can be overpowering and discourage guys from even trying to date someone.

RELEVANT TO YOU

We wrote a whole post about being confident in yourself and embracing who you are, but there is something to be said about being the best you, and being the person who your dream girl would naturally date.

Whether it’s eating better or exercising more, the best way to get the results you want is to focus on just one area, rather than ten things at once.

So whether your goal is to eat less calories a day, or exercise more consistently, or whatever you’d like to achieve, they key is to start small, and break your goal down into a small daily habit.

The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy is a great book that talks about big results from small consistent steps. There’s also a great article at Nerd Fitness that breaks down starting new healthy habits.

#1 San Jose

* For Every 100 Unmarried Women: 141 Unmarried Men
* Singles 25 to 34: 57%
* Cost of Living: 48.32% above U.S. average
* Fitness ranking: 11th
* Online Dating usage: #NA

In the heart of Silicon Valley, where Google and Apple call home, these smarty-pants guys (many who are millionaires with 50,000 households) have their work cut out for them. Romantically speaking.

In San Jose, there are 141 single guys for every 100 single ladies. And it’s even worse when you look at the number of employed women; for every 100 single guys there are 55 single & employed women.

Couple this with the high cost of living, and San Jose is definitely the toughest metro city to meet girls online.

RELEVANT TO YOU

If the odds of meeting a (quality) woman is stacked against you, what can you do to break out from the crowd and meet women online?

Be bold.

You might be thinking, be bold? What does that even mean?

Be bold as in, don’t shy away from the most attractive women you come across online, instead, seek them out.

Some (most?) men find beautiful women intimidating. So, when given the choice between a cute girl and a gorgeous one, guys often opt for the safe option (the one they feel they have a better shot with) rather than possibly risk rejection.

With the classic defeatist rational ‘she’s out of my league,’ most guys simply never try (or never without alcohol). And that’s why you always should - because no one else is.

In a counter intuitive move, one of the best way to stand out in a competitive market and actually meet women online (and offline) is to chat up the most attractive and alluring females you come across.

What attracts women more than anything else? Confidence. There's no one in the world like you. No one who thinks like you, or experiences the world like you. Embrace that -- go after who you want..

As the Latin proverb states - Fortuna Audaces Iuvat . Translation: Fortune Favors the Bold.

As always, if you enjoyed this content, please share it on your Facebook page or by hitting one of the social buttons below.

If you'd like to improve your dating profile description and attract more dates, check out how to get Date Verified and date more often.