Dating Profile Secret - Be Yourself

July 25, 2022 Greg Aronoff

Guys - if you’re not wealthy, are you doomed to be single forever?

Nope.

While there are plenty of studies that correlate a man’s romantic success with his resources, there’s more to it than that...

In fact, the old (and often annoying) adage to ‘just be yourself’ is (surprisingly) true.

So, if you don’t need wealth, what do you need?

Commonalities.

As in, having things in common with your potential date.

That’s the real key on how to impress a girl. While that isn’t really new advice, it’s still great news because a lot of guys have a limiting belief that they’re not a catch because they don’t make enough money.

So, let’s look at the research behind this ‘just be yourself’ stance and how you can apply it to your dating profile.

IDEAL VS REAL LIFE

In a study conducted by Paul W. Eastwick and Eli J. Finkel of Northwestern University, they set-up speed dating events with college kids to test if we (as in people in general) really know what we want.

Before each speed-dating event, the attendants filled out a questionnaire to rate the attributes that were important to them. Then after the speed dating, the researchers followed up with the students to see if there were any month-long love connections.

So what did they find?

Well, the pre-speed dating results did back up the theory that men (more than women) wanted someone attractive, while the women (more than men) wanted someone who earned (or had the potential to earn) a good amount.

Nothing real shocking there.

Especially in the context of evolutionary psychology, which centers around the notion that back in the (early homo sapien) day, males competed for fit and attractive females by having the resources to take care of said female and their offspring.

But, and this is a big but...

The speed-dating students'’ ideal preferences that were assessed before the speed-dating event, didn’t actually predict real life dating matches.

So in short, what we think we want in a partner… doesn’t really translate in the real world.

That means any perceived shortcomings or limiting beliefs we tell ourselves isn’t rooted in reality.

Instead, we need to embrace ourselves and highlight our quirks and everything that makes us unique.

ATTRACT MORE DATES

According to the book “Falling in Love: Why We Choose The Lovers We Choose” by Ayala Malach Pines, research shows that attraction and relationship satisfaction boils down to similarities.

Sorry ‘opposites attract’. You can join ‘the earth is flat’ and other retired failed theories.

(Well... There are a few exceptions to opposites being compatible. From research, it appears that early birds and night owls pair well together, as do those who get lost easily and those with a good sense of direction.)

Now, not to go too self-help on you, but in Dale Carnegie’s classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People (one of the seven books to help you attract more women), Carnegie wrote “the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”

Why? Why do our similarities attract others? Pines theorizes...

When another person shares our interests and values, they actually validate our own interests and values, which in turn gives us that warm and fuzzy feeling of being right.

Besides a boost to our ego, people who share our interests also feel - familiar. And anything that is familiar and comfortable is viewed as more enjoyable than the unfamiliar (like having a similar username).

Lastly, when we learn that someone is like us, we assume they also like us, and when someone likes us, we tend to like them back.

In Robert Cialdini’s Social Influence book, Cialdini lists “liking” as one of six pillars of influence. “We like people who are similar to us.

This fact seems to hold true whether the similarity is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background, or life-style.”

DATING PROFILE

In this great article by Emma Pierson, she shows how women on eHarmony prefer men who are not just similar in the basics like age, education and income, but in other areas as well like creativity and even the number of photos included in a profile.

The genetics site 23andme.com, conducted a data analysis on married couples for Valentine's Day. They found, “Athletes tended to pair with other athletes, downhill skiers with downhill skiers, hikers with hikers and weightlifters with weightlifters. We also found that people who were punctual paired with others who were on time, and that vegetarians tended get together with other non-carnivores.”

BE YOURSELF = BEST WAY TO MEET GIRLS ONLINE

So - what does all this prove? Well, if you want to meet women online (even in tough online dating cities) - be yourself. Proudly.

A lot of times we want to put our best foot forward and downplay our quirks and odd interests till we get to know someone.

All this research is showing that you should be who you are, not who you think someone will like.

Show what makes you - you.

Include your weird interests (within reason) and you’ll come across as much more real and genuine. Which is another way of saying confident.

And confidence is attractive no matter who you are. Do that and you will boost your love life

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If you'd like to improve your dating profile description and attract more dates, check out how to get Date Verified and date more often.